Infidelity - A Rising Tide

A couple of weeks ago I was in BC for a conference.  I had an hour before dinner and couldn’t resist the ocean just across the street from the hotel.  It invited me to come and explore.

I strolled along taking time to crouch down to examine tiny marine ecosystems left behind in tidal pools on the beach.  As I squatted beside one I realized the pool had expanded slightly, now lapping at the toes of my shoes. 

Thinking the pool was flowing into the depression left by my shoes in the sand, I backed up, continuing to examine the pool.  Before I knew it the tips of my shoes were surrounded again.  I moved on to another pool.  Before long that one too expanded to encompass the soles of my shoes.

After a few minutes of thinking about this I looked up to see the broader picture.  It wasn’t just the tidal pools expanding to fill the dents left behind by my shoes.  The whole beach was inexorably being consumed by the ocean.

This wasn’t a tide coming in with big crashing waves like I’ve seen on the West Coast of Vancouver Island.  This was water, steadily creeping over the sand and drowning every particle.  I had never seen a tide come in like this.  It had an eerie feel to it.

 

 

 

Within an hour the entire sandy beach was ingested by ocean and all the life in the tidal pools returned from whence it came.

Watching the relentless flow of water reminded me of how insidiously infidelity creeps into our marriages.  It starts out innocently enough.  A brief stop to glance in a tidal pool. 

The “tidal pool” might be a friend request on Facebook, or a lunch with a colleague.  A pleasant on-line conversation ensues, one lunch leads to another.  You crouch by the “tidal pool” enjoying the different world into which you are drawn.

Soon you realize your feet are getting wet.  The Facebook conversation turns into a face to face meeting and then a “date”.  The innocent lunch at work becomes regular “business dinner meetings” that last a little longer and become a little less innocent each time.

You back up thinking it’s nothing serious, but you miss the steady flow of water surrounding you.  Once the tide of infidelity starts it doesn’t stop until it consumes everything in its path; your family, your marriage, your faith, your friendships, your job, your self-esteem, your reputation, and your emotional and sometimes mental health. 

When a tide comes in, it sweeps over everything in its path.  When it goes out it leaves debris scattered behind on the beach.  Washed up bits of refuse on the sand and tiny ecosystems struggling to survive in pools of brackish water. 

This isn’t much different than the shattered lives left behind by infidelity in a marriage; each affected party struggling to survive the aftermath. 

Infidelity is easy to fall into.  Watch for the warning signs in your day to day activities and stop it before the tide consumes you.

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT
 

Are you hiding a Facebook “friend” or relationship from your spouse?  Do you enjoy the attention of a co-worker more than you should?  Are you telling your commuter “buddy” things you should only be sharing with your spouse?  Do you complain about your spouse to someone of the opposite sex so they’ll flatter you and make you feel better?  Do you hide texts you receive from a “friend” from your spouse?

You’re on dangerous ground if you find yourself doing any of these or other questionable activities.  It’s time to take steps to stop an inappropriate relationship before it turns into an affair.

Luke 1:32-33 - Preparation

MEMORY VERSE:

“He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High.  And the Lord God will give to Him the throne of His father David, and He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of His kingdom there will be no end.”  Luke 1:32-33

 

 

It’s the second Sunday in the Advent season.  This morning we lit the candle of preparation.

What are you preparing for...Christmas?  And what is Christmas…A joyful time of celebrating a new birth?  But what if you don’t feel much like celebrating?

Perhaps your time of preparation this Christmas season isn’t for something as joyful as a new birth.

Maybe you’re preparing for a lay off from your job.  Perhaps you’re preparing to face the loss of someone very close to you who’s ill…a spouse, a sibling, or a child. 

 

Maybe you’re preparing to do battle against cancer, or depression, or anxiety.  Or perhaps you’re preparing to face the loss of your marriage, and with it, your hopes and dreams for the future.

This week I find myself reflecting back 29 years when my mother was preparing us (her family) to continue our lives without her.  She knew she was losing the daily battle for survival against what was then a deadly disease…lymphoma.

Being young, I was shielded from the details, but I imagine these weren’t preparations she wanted to make that Advent season.  She had a husband who loved her and three children, ages 15, 19, and 22, who she desperately wanted to see grow up into adulthood.

She knew that wasn’t going to happen, so she prepared by writing each of us a letter that would be given to us after she died.  She and Dad planned Christmas that year.  We would have Christmas whether she was there to share in it or not.

On December 10, 1983, she lost her battle, but the plans and preparations she made for our future continued.

Advent is a time of preparation.  The preparation you’re engaged in may not be pleasant.  But Advent is also a time of hope.  A time of finding light in the darkness.

I pray that all of you reading this today will find a ray of hope in your time of preparation this year.

God bless!

“The angel said to her, ‘Do not be afraid, Mary; for you have found favor with God.  And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name Him Jesus.’  “He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High.  And the Lord God will give to Him the throne of His father David, and He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of His kingdom there will be no end.” 

Luke 1:30-33  (ESV)

The Easiest, Richest, Never-Fail, Five Minute Fudge

Quite often when I was growing up my family would sit around the kitchen table on Saturday evening and play a board game.  One of my favourites was Rummoli (which I’ve since discovered originated in Canada – just a bit of trivia for those enquiring minds who want to know).

To play Rummoli you need a deck of cards, the Rummoli board, and some plastic playing “chips”.  I still have our original board; yellowed and held together on the back with black electrical tape, but original none-the-less.

I was generally pretty good at the game but sadly not a gracious winner.  One particular fateful evening stands out in my mind...

I’ve just won the entire game; I’m standing in front of my chair at the end of the table.  I’m taking great pride in my victory; gloating and lording it over my older sister.

It’s not a good idea to tick off your older sister.  With one push she sends me (in mid-gloat), and the chair behind me, careening backwards through the glass doors of our china cabinet.  There's a very large crash...then dead silence.

Things are a little fuzzy after that.  They say you tend to blank out traumatic events.  I don’t think Mom and Dad were all smiles about the incident. 

In my sister’s defense...I was taking great glee in throwing my victory in her face and I probably needed a reality check.  (And by the way today we are best of friends and I love her dearly.)

But I digress...back to the fudge...

It was tradition that the loser of the Saturday night game had to make fudge.  This easy five minute recipe was generally the one of choice.  It didn't take long to make, cooled quickly (so you could indulge before bed), and never failed.

I can’t remember if we ever got fudge the evening of the china cabinet incident.  I do still have the china cabinet though...complete with new glass doors.   :)

Share your family “incidents” or traditions by clicking on “comments” below.

The Easiest, Richest, Never-Fail Five Minute Fudge

2 tbsp. butter

2/3 cup evaporated milk

1 2/3 cups white sugar

½ tsp. salt

2 cups mini-marshmallows

1 ½ cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 tsp. vanilla

½ cup chopped nuts (optional)

Butter an 8” x 8” pan.  Mix butter, milk, sugar, and salt in a pot.  Bring to a boil over medium heat.  Cook for five minutes.  Make sure you stir this constantly or it will burn to the bottom.  Remove from heat and stir in marshmallows, chocolate chips, vanilla, and nuts.  Stir until chocolate and marshmallows are melted.  Pour into buttered pan, cool, then cut into squares.

Chocolate Pudding Cake

Once a month I like to post a recipe that fits the criteria of easy to make and great to eat. It’s been raining here for a week – we had two fabulous, bright, sunny days with temperatures in the mid-20 degree Celsius range before the clouds rolled back in and I was forced to don a long-sleeved sweater and huddle over a steaming cup of tea while I shivered at my desk. I needed comfort food and my mind wandered back to my childhood and my mother’s dessert we referred to as “Chocolate Pudding Cake”.  It’s a fairly dense chocolate cake baked in a rich chocolate sauce. Served warm it had my taste buds quivering in anticipation of the first bite, and the second, and the third and...well you get the picture.

I dove into the recipe cupboard and rummaged through the sizable collection until I unearthed the familiar paper booklet; torn and stained from years of use. The original recipe was actually called “Chocolate Sundae Pudding” but Mom altered the recipe here and there. Her pen notations blocked out some of the original printing and as a child I added my own handiwork by scribbling orange wax crayon over the entire page. Ah, the heartwarming, tasty memories of childhood!

I made this last night. After a feed of nachos for dinner (yet another comfort food) I closed my eyes and paused to inhale the delectable chocolate aroma as I raised the spoon to my lips. Some things just aren’t as good as an adult as you remember them being as a child, but the chocolate pudding cake didn’t disappoint. It lived up to all my chocolaty expectations! Just before I sat down to write this I had another bowl full. Now it’s chilled in the fridge but I’ll let you in on a little secret...if you scoop it out cold and pour some milk over it, it’s just as good as the first day when it was warm. Granted the milk makes it kind of mushy so if you’re not that brave, pop it in the microwave and viola, just like the day it was baked!

Enough teasing your taste buds! Here’s the altered version of the recipe the way Mom used to make it. This is a must try!

Chocolate Sauce

Combine the following ingredients in a microwave and oven safe casserole dish:

3 tbsp. butter

¾ cup sugar

3 tbsp. cocoa (sifted)

½ tsp. salt

2 cups water

Put in microwave until butter is melted. Mix with a whisk to remove any cocoa lumps.

Cake Batter

Beat ¼ cup butter, add ¾ cup white sugar and an egg – beat until smooth

Add:

1 1/3 cup flour

¼ cup cocoa (sifted)

3 tsp. baking powder

½ tsp. salt

¾ cup milk

Beat until smooth

Drop spoonfuls of the batter into the chocolate sauce (use a large spoon for this). Bake at 350 degrees F for 40 to 45 minutes.

It’s great served warm just the way it is or with ice cream, whipped cream or milk – be creative and enjoy!

Thoughts On Fathers' Day

This Sunday is Fathers’ Day. My father died seven years ago. I think in some ways it’s harder to lose a parent as an adult than as a child. When I lost my mother as a teenager I wasn’t really sure how to react so I just continued with everyday living. Of course I missed her and mourned in my own way, but I don’t think I realized the full impact of the loss. Losing my father as an adult I understood just how much I’d lost – not just a parent, but an advisor, a mentor, a leader, a teacher and a friend. He wasn’t a demonstrative man. We weren’t a “touchy/feely” family and I don’t recall hearing the words, “I love you” very much. It was a different time. My father worked hard; there was always food on the table, always clothes to wear and shoes on our feet. There was enough money to take family vacations and build memories that last a lifetime and somehow I knew he loved me even if it wasn’t expressed in words. Seven years later I still miss him.

When special days of recognition like Mothers’ Day or Fathers’ Day roll around I believe there’s a large number of people who may dread going to church that morning. This Sunday fathers will be singled out of the congregation. I realize it’s important to recognize fathers (and mothers) and the importance of their roll in the family. There are a lot of wonderful fathers out there and when I watch my husband with his children I realize he is one of them. I don’t begrudge fathers their well-deserved recognition in church one Sunday a year, but what about the rest of us sitting in the pews this Sunday morning? The reminder of what’s lost or for some people what never was, always brings a needle-like stab in the heart.

As you celebrate this Fathers’ Day may I ask you to take a few minutes to think about the children, now adults who were abandoned. How do they feel? Consider those who suffered abuse and don’t have happy memories of their father. How do they feel this Sunday morning? Think of the person who has just lost their father and whose heart is still raw with grief or the couple who grieve because they aren’t able to have children and be parents. I encourage you to celebrate with your families, celebrate your fathers and please take time to say a prayer and reach out to those who may be struggling on this day of recognition. Let's remember we all have a heavenly Father who loves us so very, very much.

Happy Fathers’ Day

Whatever Happened to Puffed Wheat?

That’s right it’s one of those obscure blog posts that starts out with a random thought and just deteriorates from there. I promise you though if you bear with me there will be a recipe at the end of the post! Last night I lay in bed at midnight, not sleeping, but thinking about what to write for a blog post this week. My mind began to scroll through various recipe ideas and what sprang up from deep within the dusty depths? Puffed Wheat Cake, that’s right, Puffed Wheat Cake! Why doesn’t anyone make Puffed Wheat cake anymore? Why don’t you see it at church events, bake sales or pot luck dinners? Was there an official ban on Puffed Wheat cake that no one told me about? For that matter can you even still buy Puffed Wheat cereal? And is it an official brand name and do I need to continue to capitalize Puffed Wheat?

So many questions and so few answers at 12:30 a.m. I remember puffed wheat cereal from my childhood. I think it was sold under Prairie Maid brand and it came in a plastic bag that was as tall I was at six years old. (OK maybe I exaggerate a bit but it was still a honking big bag of cereal!) Puffed wheat seemed to be a staple in everyone’s house back then. My father ate it as the start of his breakfast every morning. He had a special cereal bowl – nice and wide and deep. He’d fill it with puffed wheat cereal, add Corn Flakes, milk and brown sugar. I remember that combination made quite a tasty bedtime snack, too!

Puffed wheat cake was the first thing my mother taught me to make when I started to show an interest in baking early in my childhood years. As a team we'd boil the syrup and then my job would be to stir the puffed wheat in the bowl while she poured the caramel syrup over top of it. We’d quickly pack it into the cake pan before it had a chance to cool. Puffed wheat cake was something that you could just keep eating and never get full. It was easy to eat half the pan before you realized what you’d done. Of course as a kid you knew you’d get in big trouble if you did, but it was just so darn hard to stop!

I haven’t thought of puffed wheat cake in years. I haven’t made puffed wheat cake in many, many years! So what did happen to puffed wheat? Well I had to satisfy my avid curiosity. (Yes I know curiosity killed the cat, but so far I’ve survived 43 years without it being fatal. I like to think of my healthy sense of curiosity as an ongoing learning tool.) I digress...anyway I dragged my husband into Safeway while we were out for a walk the next day to peruse the cereal aisle. The brand Prairie Maid wasn’t to be found, but there was a down-sized version of puffed wheat under the Safeway brand. Funny how in this day and age of “super-sized” everything the healthy wheat cereal bags get smaller! So good news for all those inquiring minds who ever wanted to know...puffed wheat cereal is still available and if you need an excuse to go out and buy a bag here’s the recipe for Puffed Wheat cake.

Puffed Wheat Cake

1 cup brown sugar

½ cup butter

½ cup corn syrup

2 tsp. vanilla

Boil the sugar, butter and syrup together for five minutes. Add vanilla and pour over seven or eight cups of Puffed Wheat cereal. Mix well and spread into buttered 9” x 13” cake pan.

Enjoy! If you’d like to share any experiences of your own about puffed wheat, puffed wheat cake or a favourite recipe you haven’t used in years please click “comments” below.

Savoury Blended Christmas Traditions

NUTS & BOLTS OF ADVENT

Advent is here and so begins a time of preparation – a time of preparing our hearts, our minds and our lives to welcome a tiny baby, the son of God, born humbly into this world.  A baby whose birth some 2000 years ago continues to make a huge difference in people’s lives today.

I want to share with you a recipe for Nuts and Bolts that makes a fabulous, salty snack that kids and adults alike love!  It’s easy to make, tastes way better (in my humble opinion) than the ones you’ll buy in the store, and makes great hostess gifts over the holidays.  But before the recipe, the story behind it...

My mother was a great cook and baker.  The weeks leading up to Christmas were always exciting – the kitchen air was thick with the spicy, sweet, homey scents of baking and you could almost see the scent waves wafting through the air.  You could certainly follow them with your nose!  One of the many traditional treats in our house was homemade nuts and bolts.  As a kid I loved to take a pretzel stick from the bowl, push small, round Cherrios on either end and pretend it was a car driving across the table!  Of course I enjoyed eating the cars after I was finished playing with them!

In January of the year I turned fifteen my mother was diagnosed with cancer.  She died in December of the same year, just two weeks before Christmas.  When I was in my early twenties my father met a lovely woman and re-married.  Beryl, my step-mother, also enjoyed baking. She had her own traditional Christmas goodies, one of which (low and behold) was nuts and bolts. She used a slightly different recipe, giving the finished product a little more zing (and a lot more garlic!).  We welcomed Beryl and her traditional baking into our Christmas celebrations and the recipe you see at the end of this story is the result of blending my mother’s recipe with Beryl’s recipe for a taste sensation that is savoury, salty and sensational!

Christmas traditions change over the years as our families and lives change. My family’s traditions changed after my mother died. They changed again, and became blended with some of Beryl’s traditions, when she joined our family and yet again when my father sold the farm where we grew up as children. Traditions continued to change and evolve when my father died, when my marriage ended, and now as I start a new marriage it’s a time of change again. I’d like to encourage you this advent season to think about the Christmas traditions you try to honour. If there are some from your childhood or your past that you need to let go of, give yourself permission to do so.  Perhaps you’re secretly still clinging to some traditions in your heart.  Don’t give up the memories, allow yourself to grieve the loss of these traditions, the same way you grieved the situations that led up to the loss.  All I’m saying is don’t allow your grief over the loss of the past to prevent you from experiencing the joy that new traditions can bring to you and your family in the present.

Remember, family comes in many different shapes, sizes and configurations.  I’m happy to say that over the years, Beryl has become a cherished member of our family and also one of my best friends!  Maybe this year your family includes a friend or neighbour whose spouse has died.  Maybe it includes a friend who is going through a divorce and is alone for the first time at Christmas, maybe it’s someone from your church or work who has no family. Perhaps it’s a new step-child or maybe you’re experiencing Christmas for the first time as a single parent. Whatever form your family finds itself in this year, remember that blended families can be just as spicy and savoury as blended recipes – you don’t have to stick to “time-honoured” traditions, give yourself the freedom to start some new ones today. 

NUTS & BOLTS - THE RECIPE!

You’ll need two big roasting pans – if you don’t have these, that’s OK...go to the grocery store and buy 2 aluminum foil roasters (they’ll cost around $5 to $6 for two). You can wash them and re-use them next year.

1 box (620 g) Shreddies

1 box (260 g) Cherrios

1 box (350 g) Crispix

2 lbs Spanish peanuts

1 or 2 packages pretzel sticks

Divide the cereals, peanuts and pretzels evenly between the two roasters – getting approximately the same amount of each cereal in each pan.  Feel free to adjust the amount of pretzels to your liking – I prefer to use two packages but some people like less pretzels.

SAUCE

Mix 2 tablespoons soya sauce and add enough Worcestershire sauce to equal ½ cup.

In a pot on the stove melt 2 cups butter or margarine and add 1 cup cooking oil. (Yes, I know it looks like a whole lot of fat in that pot – remember it’s spread out over all that cereal so you’ll only be eating a little at time! That’s my rationale anyway! J) Then add the soya sauce and Worcestershire mixture. 

Add 2 generous tablespoons of each of the following:

onion salt 

garlic salt

celery salt

And 2 teaspoons paprika

Cook the sauce mixture slightly to dissolve the spices (they won’t quite all dissolve but that’s OK).  Now pour the sauce gradually over the cereal in the roasters, stirring as you pour so everything is evenly coated.

Bake at 225 degrees F for 1 ½ hours – stirring every 15 minutes.