A Very Hairy Berry Hibiscus

Every now and then we need a good laugh.  There’s nothing better than sharing a giggle with great friends. 

If you’re lucky what starts out as a giggle morphs into a guffaw, followed by a chortle.  Then it happens…somebody snorts!  At this point it’s all over.  One snort leads to another.  On rare occasions, you might get to witness the ever elusive triple-snort!  Soon you’re doubled over, holding your sides and roaring with laughter while tears stream down your cheeks!

People don’t laugh enough.  I know I don’t.  I tend to take life rather seriously, but periodically something appeals to my bizarre sense of humour. 

Case in point….

A few weeks ago I was on my way back to the office and decided to pop into the Starbucks drive thru.   It was a warm summer day, so I decided to have one of their berry refreshers.

You all know how complicated ordering a drink at Starbucks can be.  All I had to get out were the words “Very Berry Hibiscus Refresher”.  Four words.  Easy right?  Apparently not.  I pulled up to the speaker, confident in my linguistic ability and proceeded to order a very HAIRY berry hibiscus refresher.

My ever helpful brain immediately conjuring up a graphic mental image of a Starbucks cup, personified complete with Duck Dynasty beard, and green eyes peering out from beneath scraggly fur-like hair.

I completely lost it!  My whoop of wild laughter quickly dissolved into hysterical giggling.  A long pause emanated from the other side of the drive thru speaker.  I made another futile attempt at gasping out my order between fits of giggles. 

I finally managed to choke out the words, “that pink berry drink”, then gave up, driving up to the window instead.  The person at the drive thru window was doing her best to keep a straight face, but seeing me hanging over the steering wheel, gibbering helplessly about the “hairy berry drink” was too much for her.  The two of us had a good laugh!

I suspect my little verbal faux pas made her day.  I know it did mine.  Every time I thought about it I giggled hysterically.  Hopefully you are by now, too. 

Remember the next time you go to Starbucks it’s a VERY BERRY HIBISCUS…hold the hair!

The Brain Filter

By now you all know I’m an OCD introvert at heart.  Sometimes I wish I could be spontaneous, make snap decisions, take action, live large, dangerous and free.  But then there are the times when I’m thankful for the filter part of my brain that carefully evaluates and assesses each thought before the action part of my brain kicks in.

Case in point…

I like to get to the gym early on Saturday and Sunday mornings to run.  There’s no noise, no one jockeying for position on the track, no kids sprinting around you; just soothing silence at 7:00 a.m.

I’m in the change room getting into my running gear  Tank top…check, shoes…check, sports bra…check, socks…check, running watch…check, shorts…  What, no shorts!  Frantic digging in backpack ensues.  The worst is confirmed.  No shorts!

I really don’t want to waste time driving home to get them. 

“Maybe I could run in my jeans.”  The brain filter wakes momentarily from its slumber to rule this out as way too restrictive. 

                                                                                                                           

“I wonder if anyone would notice if I ran in my underwear.  There’s not a lot of people around.  It's no different than a two-piece bathing suit”

The brain filter, still on guard from the previous thought, quickly vetoes this unacceptable idea.  Inspiration strikes!  Superstore is two minutes away and they generally have inexpensive workout gear.

Fast forward ten minutes to Superstore’s deserted lady’s clothing department.  Who knew the women’s department isn’t staffed at 7:30 in the morning?  I stand shorts in hand, staring at the locked fitting rooms. 

“Maybe I could crawl underneath the door…” 

The brain filter, thoroughly appalled by the audacity of this thought, deems it necessary to take more serious preventative measures, conjuring up a mental image of WKRP’s, Herb Tarlek, in a carp suit trapped underneath the door of a pay toilet. 

I snicker involuntarily and glance around to make sure no one heard.  Fine, no crawling under doors.  (For those of you who have never had the pleasure of watching this particular hilarity you can view the WKRP episode at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYbLzYCFYhw )

“What about just doing a quick change in the alcove by the fitting rooms?  The store’s relatively deserted, probably no one would even notice.” 

I glance furtively around the women’s department.  The brain filter takes swift evasive maneuvers and delivers up a brilliant HD image of me being hauled out of the alcove, half naked, by store security.  It’s not a pretty sight! 

Fine!  I surrender to the brain filter and walk the extra steps to the Customer Service desk to get a clerk to unlock a fitting room for me.

My brain filter has saved me from bad decisions on more than this occasion.  In fact it’s rescued me many times throughout my life.  But then there are the times when I’ve ignored the brain filter and regretted it later.  Some of those instances I’d rather forget!

The brain filter is a good thing.  It’s there so we don’t have to give in to every thought we have.  Isn’t it cool that God wired our brains this way?  We have choices and the brain filter helps us evaluate and choose between good and bad decisions.

You might know the brain filter by different names…

Will power

Self-control

Discipline

All of these things are inside of us.  We just have to exercise them. 

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind.  And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”  1 Corinthians 10:13

 

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT...

 

What decision are you toying with today? 

• Spending money you can’t afford
• Stealing office supplies from work
• Cheating on an exam
• An emotional affair on Facebook
• Cheating on your taxes

Whatever the temptation, there’s ALWAYS a way out.  Ask God to kick your brain filter into high gear.  Exercise self-control and will power.

Mom's Night Out - Sony Pictures

A biker tattoo artist
A Pastor’s wife
Three stressed out moms
A missing baby

Does that have the makings of a great plot, or what!  These characters all come together in Sony Pictures new movie, “Mom’s Night Out” and I was fortunate enough to attend Shine FM’s pre-screening of it in Edmonton last week. 

Sony does a great job of developing these characters.  They are so true to life they could be you and me. 

Life doesn’t come up all flowers and sunshine and Sony doesn’t try to sugar-coat it.  Life can be hard.  There’s a new challenge every day, sometimes every minute, especially if you’re dealing with teenagers or young kids.

What I loved most about this movie is its portrayal of the reality of the situation. 

Allyson, a strung out, frazzled mother isn’t afraid to admit to her husband she’s not happy.  She’s living the life she dreamed of as a young girl, but it’s hard.

The beauty of it is she doesn’t say it from the accusatory, “I’m not happy and it’s all your fault”, or “I’m not happy and I’m going to find myself and leave you” standpoint. 

She’s just stating the truth and her husband, to his credit, takes it at face value.  He doesn’t get all worked up about it thinking their marriage is over.  He takes it for what it is, a truthful statement and something they need to resolve.

Life isn’t perfect, and people, regardless of the role they’re type cast in, aren’t either.  And here’s another cool thing about the movie.  It shows that God can use anyone, in any capacity to get His message of love and acceptance across.

It’s a great movie.  It has some laugh out loud moments and some "box of tissue" moments.  There’s no swearing, no blood, or guts, or gore.  It’s a good clean, heartwarming story with a great message.

Mom’s Night Out opens Mothers’ Day weekend on May 9.  It’s definitely worth checking out and would make a great Women’s Ministry night out.

I think I’ll have to buy the DVD!

If you go to see Mom’s Night Out, come back and share your thoughts by clicking on “comments” below.

 

Isaiah 41:10 - God's Strength Anywhere You Need It

MEMORY VERSE:

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.  Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.  Isaiah 41:10 (NLT)

I’ve seen the truth of this scripture verse repeatedly in my life, most recently last week.  I had an appointment with a new dentist to get a cavity filled.

I know this isn’t a big deal to a lot of people so let me put it in perspective for you.  My husband refers to the dentist as “the spawn of Satan”.  It’s nothing personal against the dentist, just a sentiment towards dental work in general.  I tend to agree with him on this point.

I don’t fear needles and I have a relatively high pain threshold; neither of these things are issues for me.  It’s the sensation of being frozen, the dental dam, and the total lack of control that gets me.  (We'll deal with "control" issues in another post.) 

I’m lying in the chair, dental dam in my mouth, gagging on bits of saliva trickling down the back of my throat, and I know I’m trapped like a rat!  There’s no escape, you can’t just rip off the rubber dam and run screaming from the office.  You might just as well be strapped down on the chair with instruments of torture surrounding you.

Then there’s the freezing.  I have a phobia of having my throat frozen.  It feels as though you can’t swallow and I have fears of gagging, choking, and who knows what else. 

In my world I’d be much happier if they could just do the work without the freezing.  At least I think I would be.  So far I haven’t found a dentist who’s willing to try, although I did manage to talk this one down to only using one dose of lidocaine instead of the standard two.

Just talking about it is enough to throw me into a minor anxiety attack, so you can imagine my state of mind when I walked into the office last Tuesday for my appointment.

They start with the topical anesthetic so you won’t feel the needle going in.  This freaks me out because as you salivate some of it runs down into your throat, temporarily numbing it.  I negotiated a reduction on the amount of this too and proceeded to suction every last drop of saliva out of my mouth so it was dry as sand paper; leaving no chance of anything running into my throat.

By this time I was doing deep breathing exercises in an attempt to stay calm.  My legs twitched with a last ditch effort to make for the door but I managed to restrain the impulse.  (I’m a 44-year-old, rational woman (most of the time).  I can’t just flee from the dentist office in desperation and never come back...can I?)  And then came the freezing.

The injection is a slow process.  They generally do a few pokes to make sure the entire area is frozen.  Here’s an interesting little nugget I read on the internet this evening while writing this...epinephrine is added to dental anesthetic to make it more effective and longer lasting.  Guess what a side effect of epinephrine is?  Panic attacks!  Like I needed any additional help in that area!

The freezing went in and it was time for the dental dam.  I asked for a few minutes by myself.  I closed my eyes, breathed deeply, and prayed.  I prayed fervently.  I prayed for strength, I prayed to not be such a whuz, I prayed for courage, I prayed for God’s peace to be with me in that room.  I breathed in the Holy Spirit and clung to His presence with every unfrozen nerve ending in my body.

I lay trapped in the chair, eyes closed, praying for people  I knew who were sick, praying for the mission team in Africa, praying for the world in general, praying that I’d get through the half hour that was left, praying, praying, praying, and more praying!

The panic did eventually subside a little.  I continued to do deep breathing and focus on God and prayer and I managed to get through the appointment.  The filling is done, I didn’t run screaming from the office trailing bits of desiccated dental dam, and I think they might actually let me come back for my annual cleaning next year.

God was there giving me strength and courage when I had none to offer myself, just like He has been in many other events in my life.  Trust Him to do the same for you.

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.  Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.  Isaiah 41:10 (NLT)

Has God helped you through struggles?  Share your thoughts by clicking on “comments” below.

Rich Chocolate Candy

A lot of the recipes I post are ones I remember using as a teenager.  Generally I haven’t used them for quite a number of years and it’s fun to resurrect them and let my taste buds take a walk down memory lane.

I always make a point of trying them out before I post just in case my taste buds suffered from some teenage food tasting weirdness that has since abated with adulthood.

This week was an interesting week in the blog kitchen.  Last month I wrote about my memories of making fudge and posted a Five Minute Fudge recipe. 

That one is quite sweet so for those of you who desire something a little more cocoa flavoured, and don’t want to be bothered boiling anything; I decided to post the other easy Rummoli night favourite - a “no cook” fudge recipe.

I rooted through my cupboard trying to unearth the long forgotten recipe.  I had vague memories of ingredients including a chocolate pudding mix and cornstarch. 

One of my mother’s recipes for chocolate fudge made with chocolate pudding mix finally came to light.  There was no cornstarch which threw me a little (something didn’t seem quite right) but I forged ahead.

The recipe said to put the pudding mix, 2 tbsp. of butter and ¼ cup of milk in a pot and boil it for one minute, stirring constantly, as it would easily stick and burn.

About 30 seconds after I poured in the milk I had major doubts.  I stirred the three ingredients together and balefully eyed a shiny, black, congealed mass in the bottom of my pot.  It looked like something I’d peeled out of the cracks in the concrete on the street. 

Hopeful it would liquefy after the application of heat I attempted to stir the gelatinous blob residing in the pot.  It was futile hope.  Here’s what I ended up with...

I messed around with it a bit, giggling helplessly while adding milk and icing sugar, but to no avail.  There was no redemption for this black blob, short of being turned over to the oil refineries as bitumen.  It hit the bottom of the eco-bin with a heavy, wet splat!

You’ll be happy to know that’s not the recipe I’m posting this week.  I called my sister (still giggling helplessly) who bailed me out (laughing the whole time) by giving me the recipe I wanted in the first place.  The end result of this second attempt is a little more appealing.

As long as you can melt butter in the microwave you can make this recipe.  It’s super easy, and feeds the desire for instant gratification because you can eat it within about half an hour of making it.  I hope you enjoy it.

Do you have any cooking disasters that sent you into fits of laughter?  Share them by clicking on “comments” below.

RICH CHOCOLATE CANDY

Spray an 8” x 8” pan with cooking spray or coat with margarine or butter.

Measuring the following dry ingredients into a mixing bowl:

2 cups icing sugar

½ cup cocoa

½ cup cornstarch

Melt ¾ cup butter in the microwave.  Pour the melted butter and 1 tsp. vanilla into the dry ingredients.  Stir this together quickly (it sets up in no time so make sure you’re ready to stir when you add the butter and vanilla).  Pat into the pan and allow to cool.  Cut into squares and enjoy!

Laugh Or Go Postal

Have you ever had one of those surreal days where so many things go wrong you either have to laugh or “go postal”? Today was one of those days and at the risk of turning this into a manic rant or epic whine I decided to share some of the events with you.

                My day starts in a Holiday Inn Express in Kamloops. I’m on my way to work at a trade show for the weekend (everyone’s dream job) and rather than hop on a two hour flight I’ve decided to drive the 1100 km through Canada’s breath-taking Rocky Mountains. I love this drive. The mountains are so awe inspiring and remind me how incredible God is. My car, the Impala, loves the drive because the steep inclines, sweeping curves and strategically placed passing lanes are perfect for its six cylinder, 3.8 L engine. It purrs along contentedly like our new four month old kitten, hugging every turn as tightly as a newly married couple. It’s such a pleasure to drive!

But back to the morning...since I drove for nine hours yesterday and have only four hours to go today I decide to sleep in. I set the alarm for 7:30 a.m., planning to be on the road by 9:00. There are two things wrong with this plan...

1) it’s June and the sun rises at 4:52 a.m. in Kamloops - the hotel doesn’t have blackout blinds

2) I entered a time zone that is an hour behind my home.

You see where I’m going with this? That’s right my body is programmed to wake up to light outside the window which at home happens around 6:30 a.m. except 6:30 a.m. is now 5:30. I stubbornly pull a pillow over my face and try to sleep but faced with a choice of suffocation by pillow or waking up, I choose the latter. After launching a guerilla attack on the free continental breakfast (an orange, scrambled eggs, pancakes, cinnamon bun and a tea) I roll outside to the car. The drive is uneventful; I listen to an audio book and marvel at the sight of never ending lush green forests clinging to the side of jagged mountain peaks.

Typically I work out at Curves three times per week and have learned when I travel I MUST head straight to Curves when I get into town. Once I my butt takes root in the hotel room I’m not leaving. The GPS guides me through the unfamiliar city to the address for Curves...it’s not there. Crap! I do a search on the GPS and it helpfully tells me there’s one two km away.  I naively follow the directions from the GPS to the new address...no Curves. OK, this is getting a little old now. I pull out my Blackberry (isn’t technology great), open the web browser and find another address with a phone number.  Let’s not be stupid about this. I call the number, but my cell phone provider (who shall remain nameless) tells me, “We’re sorry all circuits are busy, please try again later.” Perfect! I dial again, and again, and again and listen to the same message again, and again and...again. I give up and punch the address into the GPS, only five km away...fine! Off I go and you guessed it...no Curves. By now I’ve wasted 45 minutes of my afternoon, and I think it’s going on 2:30 local time. I say “I think” because the day before my Blackberry automatically adjusted its time for the time zone but for some reason known only to the Blackberry software it bounced back to my original time zone this morning, which completely disorients me. I give up on the Curves workout and find lunch instead. Out of spite I order a greasy burger with sweet potato fries and chipotle mayo. Take that hips, thighs and waist! Better than ordering a potentially e-coli infested salad!

                I head to the conference hotel. It’s an old hotel on the corner of the Trans Canada highway in Abbotsford (can you say LOUD traffic). I stagger into the lobby, fighting to get my suitcase and computer bag through the non-automatic doors and check in. The clerk hands me my room key – I’m on the second floor. I glance around the lobby...no elevator! I don’t travel light...never have, never will. I wrestle my expansion suitcase, computer bag containing two laptops and a bunch of paperwork, book bag containing a small library (just in case I have some spare time), grocery bag containing bottles of water and snacks and my purse (the smallest thing in the group) up the two flights of stairs to the second floor and down the hall to my room. A large sliding patio door faces the busy highway, perfect...noisy traffic all night, but that’s OK I travel with earplugs.  I walk over to the door to see if there's perhaps a sunny spot on the narrow balcony where I might bask with my book. The door opens easily...too easily. It won’t lock. OK, I’m on the second floor, doubtful that anyone is going to “Spiderman” up the building in the middle of the night and break into my unlatched door. Then I realize there’s an adjoining room sharing the same balcony. This is too much! There’s no way I’ll sleep knowing someone could coming blundering through my unlatched balcony door in the middle of the night. I walk down to the lobby, explain the situation to the front desk clerk and soon I’m wrestling all my worldly travelling belongings down the hall to another room.

                OK, time for a run on the treadmill. I know I say that as though it’s something I do often. Actually it’s something that I just decided to start this week. For reasons known only to God, I’ve had a sudden desire to start running (maybe it’s a way of learning discipline and perseverance). Whatever the case, I went for my first run (or feeble attempt) on Wednesday, the day before I chose to sit in a car and drive for nine hours. I was so stiff by the time I got out of that car on Thursday evening I thought I’d have to call 911 to come and lift me out in a permanently seated position. But I’m determined to keep going so I optimistically head for the fitness room. There are two treadmills, a TV and a stepper.  “Out of Order” signs hang mournfully from one treadmill and the stepper. The one working treadmill has a dire warning printed across it stating, “DO NOT USE THE INCLINE BUTTON”. No chance of that! I start the hunt for the television remote, lose the battle, turn it on manually, crank up the volume and start to jog on the treadmill.  I’m ramping up for a second ten minute stint of running when suddenly everything goes black! Lights go out, TV shuts off and the treadmill shuts down abruptly, sending me lurching forward like a drunk falling off a curb. I flail madly for an instance before clutching the bar in front of me. I stand there in disbelief. Seriously! Back to the front desk. The clerk tries resetting one circuit breaker to no avail, and then gets on the phone to Maintenance. It turns out the circuit breaker is located in the guest room outside the fitness room (don’t ask me why, I decided I didn’t want to know). She knocks on the door, it opens and she asks if she can come inside to look at the circuit breaker. A women’s voice says her husband is in the shower and  it’s not a good time. That’s it, I can’t take anymore!

It’s now 9:00 pm, I’ve had my run (outside), every muscle aches and I’m sure I’ll be walking like a 95-year-old tomorrow, if I’m walking at all. I’ve been obsessively saving this as I type because the way the day has gone my computer might decide to crash just to end the day on a high note!

                I know we all have days like this. Sometimes it’s hard to keep your cool and not lose it totally, but if you think about it, it’s really kind of funny. Next time you’re frustrated try seeing the humour in the situation. Anybody out there want to share some funny or frustrating travel experiences? Click on “comments” below.