Haunted By The Past

Are you haunted by a past you wish you could forget?

Ashamed about something you’ve done and can’t undo? 

Wondering if you’re a terrible person; afraid people will “disown” you if they find out about your “secret”?

This might come as a surprise to you, but you’re not alone!  People everywhere mentally flog themselves for mistakes they’ve made; wishing they could go back in time and re-write history.

Image courtesy of Michal Marcol
at www.freedigitalphotos.net

What secret haunts you?

• An affair
• Abortion
• Pornography
• Addiction
• Teen pregnancy
• A promiscuous past
• Stealing
• Lousy parenting

Go ahead, name the shackle that binds you as a slave to guilt, shame, and anxiety.

Now read Jeremiah 31:18-20

“I have heard Israel saying, ‘You disciplined me severely, like a calf that needs training for the yoke.  Turn me again to you and restore me, for you alone are the Lord my God.  I turned away from God, but then I was sorry.  I kicked myself for my stupidity!  I was thoroughly ashamed of all I did in my younger days.  Is not Israel still my son, my darling child?’ says the Lord.  ‘I often have to punish him, but I still love him.  That’s why I long for him and surely will have mercy on him.’”  (NLT)

 

Been there.  I’ve kicked myself many times for my stupidity, and there are a number of things in my past for which I’ve carried the heavy burdens of shame and guilt.

But this scripture tells you, regardless of your past, you’re still God’s “darling child” and He loves you and longs for you to return to Him so He can shower His mercy on you.

It’s easy to feel like you’re the only person in the world struggling with the secret you bear.  It’s easy to convince yourself you’re a horrible person. 

 

But, I guarantee, you’re neither of these things.  There are other people out there hiding behind smiling masks, carrying similar fears.

I speak from personal experience.   Staying loaded down with guilt and shame is no way to live.  We’re meant to live in freedom, not slavery. 

Image courtesy of photostock
at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Finding that freedom is what birthed this ministry, “Living Day By Day In God’s Grace”.  Having found the freedom grace offers, I never want to go back to bondage!

Bring your secret to God, confess it, and accept the mercy He longs to give.

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT:

What part of your past do you need to bring to God today?

Failure To Act = Faith Failure

Every now and then God “calls me out” on an area in my life that needs attention.  This past Sunday was one of those times.

My husband has arthritis in his sacroiliac joint.  Periodically it flares up, causing him a lot of pain.  It’s been bothering him lately and Sunday morning it was especially cranky.

At the beginning of the church service the pastor said they were going to pray for anyone who needed healing.  The prayer started and I found myself praying silently for relief for my husband.

I felt God telling me to reach out and place my right hand on his lower back while I prayed.  Immediately my brain went into, “What will people think” mode.  What would people think if they saw me putting my hand on his lower back?  For that matter what would he think? 

It’s not like I could do it subtly.  We were sitting down and he was to my left.  It would require shifting and re-arranging.  Certainly the people around us would notice the shuffling, even if they were being good little Christians  and sitting with eyes closed and heads bent in prayer instead of playing on phones and Ipods.

I argued with God, making up silent excuses not to reach out my hand.  Finally I made a feeble attempt; awkwardly reaching out my left hand and pretending to scratch his hip. 

Like THAT wasn’t weirder that simply asking him to lean forward and laying my hand on the small of his back!?!

I immediately knew it was an epic fail on my part. 

Could God relieve my husband’s pain without my hand on his back, of course He could.  That’s not the point!

Sometimes answer to prayer requires a simple act of obedient faith; a show of our trust in God.

I think of the story of Naaman in 2 Kings, chapter 5...

Naaman travels a great distance to see Elisha because he’s heard Elisha has the power of God and can heal his skin disease.  After a long, arduous journey Naaman arrives on Elisha’s doorstep, only to be told to go and wash in the muddy Jordan River seven times.

Naaman is disgusted!  He stomps off in fury.  He expected a great spectacle from the famous prophet. 

Fortunately Naaman’s servants are more astute than Naaman.  They confront Naaman, saying, “…if the prophet had asked you to do something hard and heroic, wouldn’t you have done it?  So why not this simple ‘wash and be clean?”

Naaman wisely follows the counsel of his servants, and in a spirit of humility goes and washes in the Jordan.  He is healed.

Naaman had a choice.  

• He could risk public ridicule and faithfully follow Elisha’s instructions to receive healing, or
• he could cling to his pride and lose out on the healing opportunity.

Here are the questions I’ve been pondering…

• Did my failure to act cheat God out of an opportunity to show His glory?
• Did my desire to appear “normal” and please people hinder God’s healing?
• Did I cheat my husband out of a pain free afternoon because I didn't want to look awkward?

I’ve written a few posts about thoughts, believes, and stigmas that get in the way of living out my faith in the public eye.  See Firm In Faith and Self-Proclaimed "Jesus Freak" .

 

 I thought I was getting better and overcoming some of the social anxieties associated with what people think about the way I act, or speak.  Apparently I was wrong! 

God and I still have work to do in the arena of sharing and living out my faith through acts of obedience.

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT:

What about you?  What’s God “calling you out” on right now?  Is there an area in your life you need to confront?  Spend some quiet time with God and pray David’s prayer from Psalm 139…

 

“Search me, O God, and know my heart;

Test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Point out anything in me that offends you,

And lead me along the path of everlasting life.” 

Psalm 139:23-24

The Golden Calf Debacle...Repeated?

I’ve been reading the book of 1 Kings in the Bible and came across an interesting event leading up to the division of the Israelite kingdom. Early in Solomon’s reign as king over the ancient Israelites God makes a covenant with him promising Solomon great wisdom, riches, a long life and a descendant on the throne of Israel forever if he follows God faithfully. God also issues a warning stating if Solomon doesn’t remain faithful Israel will be driven out of the promised land and the kingdom will fall. (1 Kings 3:10-14 and 9:1-9) Solomon honours this agreement for a large part of his life but towards the end of his reign his dedication to God becomes weak. Because of the influence of his many wives Solomon begins to worship other gods. Solomon’s unfaithfulness in following God effectively breaks the earlier covenant and a prophet is sent to deliver a message from God to a man by the name of Jeroboam. Jeroboam is told the twelve tribes of Israel will be split after Solomon’s death and God will make him ruler over ten of the tribes while Solomon’s son will retain rule over the tribe of Judah and the tribe of Benjamin. The prophet goes on to explain to Jeroboam the promise from God which states if he walks in God’s ways, following God’s commands he will be king of Israel and the kingdom will prosper (1 Kings 11:26-40).

Wow, what a promise! Jeroboam has just been guaranteed by God that he will be king of Israel. The reason for Solomon losing his kingship has been spelled out in black and white terms. Jeroboam has been a member of Solomon’s staff and has seen firsthand the “what not to do if you want to rule God’s people of Israel".  The “how to’s of maintaining kingship of Israel” couldn’t be made any clearer. Jeroboam should have a bright future! Wouldn’t we if we were told by a prophet in no uncertain terms exactly what we had to do in order to secure God’s promise in our lives?

We don’t know anything about Jeroboam’s character or personality. All we know is that he was a servant to Solomon. I imagine life as a king is probably fairly stressful, especially when you’ve got an irate son of the previous king breathing down your neck, seeking retribution for stealing his throne. Perhaps Jeroboam lacked self-confidence as a leader, whatever the reason, not too long into his reign Jeroboam becomes a little paranoid about the control he has over Israel. The temple where people go to worship God is in Jerusalem which is still under the rule of Solomon’s son. We’re told that Jeroboam suddenly becomes fearful that the people going to worship God in the temple will pledge their allegiance to Solomon’s son. In his fear Jeroboam loses sight of God’s promise and fails to trust God. In 1 Kings 12:25-28 (the passages telling the story of Jeroboam’s downfall) there isn’t one word that even so much as hints Jeroboam took this fear to God in prayer, or turned to God for strength. In verse 28 he takes matters into his own hands and makes two gold calves, telling the people of Israel, “...It is too much trouble for you to worship in Jerusalem. Look, Israel, these are the gods who brought you out of Egypt.” What!!!! Did he learn nothing from his people’s history as they journeyed with God in the wilderness? Surely the golden calf debacle of Aaron has been told over and over through generations, and yet here is Jeroboam repeating the same mistake almost word for word! Dare I be so blunt as to say...how stupid can you get?!?

I can say it but then I’d be forced to examine my own life and realize that perhaps I’m not quite as superior as I might like to think. How many times in my life have I repeated mistakes I’ve made or seen others make? We’ve all heard the popular definition of insanity, “Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” I don’t know if this definition applies to repeating other people’s actions and expecting different results than they got but if so perhaps we’re all insane! As teenagers our parents try to save us from pain by sharing their experiences with us, but of course we know better than they do and must forge ahead, making the same painful mistakes they made. This behaviour doesn’t always end with our teenage years. Quite often it plagues us in our relationships as adults. We find ourselves trapped in patterns of behaviour we know are damaging and yet we persist in them. Human nature? Weakness? Insanity? Rebellion? Low self esteem?

What can we learn from the mistakes of Jeroboam? What can we learn from our own mistakes? We’re human. We continue to make mistakes as we navigate through life, but it’s crucial that we learn from them. We need to invite God into our lives, allowing Him to work in our hearts. We need to learn from our experiences. We need to humble ourselves, admit our mistakes, admit that we’re wrong and strive not to repeat the same mistakes. We need to learn from the lives of others – those around us and those we read about in history and in the bible. This isn’t to say we inflict judgment on these people (remember you may react in exactly the same manner if placed in a similar situation). It’s simply to say read and learn what not to do, what to avoid and how to live a Godly life. Are there mistakes in your life you’re repeating or a pattern of behaviour you know you need to break? Pray about it, ask God to identify it, seek counsel or guidance if you need help to change it and see what God can do in your life.

Determined or Stubborn...A Fine Line

Have you ever considered the words “stubborn” and “determined”?  Dictionary.com defines “stubborn” as “unreasonably obstinate” and/or “resolute” while “determined” is defined as “resolved or resolute”. Apparently both can mean resolute yet typically “stubborn” has a negative connotation while “determined” is considered to be a positive attribute. Can determinedness become stubbornness? Are there times when you are determined to do something a certain way? Times you want something so badly you become stubbornly focused on it, completely ignoring the roadblocks and warning signs to the point you miss out on God’s desire or plan for your life?

There are two biblical men in the book of Numbers who set perfect examples of what this determined stubbornness looks like. I’m referring to Balaam and king Balak. Their story begins in Number 22. Just to make things really interesting there’s a talking donkey thrown into the mix. Who knew there was a talking donkey in the Bible? Up until a few years ago the only talking donkey I’d ever heard of was the Eddie Murphy-ized character, Donkey, from the movie Shrek. You know the one...he asks annoying questions like, “Are we there yet?” and makes popping noises with his lips irritating enough to make even the most patient saint throttle him!

Balak is king of the land of Moab and terrified the Israelites will wage war on his country. The study notes in the Life Application Study Bible say Balaam is a sorcerer. He worships whichever god happens to be convenient. Balak wants Balaam to curse the people of Israel but Balaam approaches God and asks what he should do. God tells Balaam in no uncertain terms that he is NOT to curse the Israelites. Balak doesn’t like this answer and we glimpse the beginning of stubbornness. Balak tries again and sends important officials to Balaam promising him great riches if he will curse the Israelites. Greed brings out a stubborn, rebellious streak in Balaam and he approaches God one more time, hoping God may change his mind and allow him to get on with the curse. God understands Balaam is motivated by greed and his stubbornness in not accepting God’s direction nearly gets him killed on the journey to see Balak. His life is spared only because of quick action from his donkey who speaks up to save him. Balaam learns that day that obedience to God is much better than stubborn fulfillment of his own desires.

What about Balak? We’ve already seen one example of stubbornness when he refuses to take “No” for an answer. Does he learn from this? Not really! Instead of cursing the Israelites, Balaam blesses them. Balak is not happy but Balaam, having learned his lesson, insists he can only say what God tells him. Balak won’t accept this answer. He takes Balaam to another area overlooking the Israelite camp, telling him to curse them from this spot. Balaam once again blesses the Israelites and Balak can’t believe what he’s hearing! This isn’t what he wants! He wants curses, not blessings! Determined to get his way Balak gives Balaam one more chance, and once again blessings flow like poetry from Balaam’s lips while Balak is left fuming. Balak is so determined to get his way he completely misses the fact that God has other plans for the Israelites.

 I can think of a number of times in my life when I took the road that led away from God’s blessing. Why? Because I wanted to do things my way, not God’s way and because I have a large measure of determination in my character – something that often works in my favour but a trait that quickly turns to shear, pig-headed stubbornness if I lose sight of God. What about you? What blessings has a stubborn heart caused you to miss? The story of Balak and Balaam is a great story. Read it yourself now. You’ll find it in the book of Numbers in the Old Testament, chapters 22-24.

World's Largest...Fiery Serpent??

When you drive across the three prairie provinces of Canada (that would be Manitoba, Saskatchewan and Alberta for those of you not familiar with Canadian geography) you find an interesting phenomenon in a surprisingly large number of small, rural communities. What is this phenomenon you ask? It’s the “world’s largest” or “Canada’s largest” or “North American’s largest” or “just a really big” statue phenomenon. Need a little more explanation? OK, let’s name a few:

1.       Gladstone, Manitoba – has the “happy rock”      Gladstone...happy rock (get it?)

2.       Flin Flon, Manitoba has the status of Flintabbatey Flonatin (try googling that one for a historical explanation)

3.       Elm Creek, Manitoba (my home town) has the fire hydrant. (Talk about dog heaven!)

4.       Canora, Saskatchewan has the Ukrainian lady

5.       Beiseker, Alberta has Squirt, the skunk (not sure why you’d choose a skunk for a mascot)

6.       Torrington, Alberta has the statue of the gopher named Clem T. Go-Fur to commemorate the location of the Gopher Hole Museum (a very unique tourist attraction that has to be seen to be fully appreciated!)

I could go on and on...and on, but you get the point. An astounding number of rural communities have their “claim to fame” statue.  Apparently erecting statues isn’t restricted to our time. The Israelites also had a statue of sorts, although it wasn’t erected for fame, fortune or as a tourist attraction. It was erected at the direction of God to save people’s lives!  

In Numbers 21:4 the Israelites are complaining yet again about their circumstances. Rather than appreciating the fact that they’re freed from slavery in Egypt the Israelites are whining about the manna they have to eat and actually go so far as to accuse God and Moses of bringing them into the wilderness to die. To teach them a lesson God sends “fiery serpents” (which is another way of saying poisonous snakes) among the Israelites and many become sick and die from the venom. Needless to say, this quickly brings the Israelites to their senses. They ask Moses to pray to God for forgiveness and to remove the snakes...enter the “snake on a pole”. God tells Moses to make the form of a snake and attach it to a long pole. He says that anyone to looks at the snake will be healed. The bronze snake is placed in a prominent spot in the Israelite camp and anyone who trusts in and believes God’s word, looks on the bronze snake and is healed.

We could leave it there but the bronze snake is mentioned once more in the Old Testament.  In

2 Kings 18 Hezekiah has come into power in Judah. He loves God and is disgusted with the idolatry going on throughout the territory. He begins to clean up Judah’s act by destroying the idols the Israelites are worshiping and what do you thing he has to destroy? 2 Kings 18:4 says, “...He broke into pieces the bronze snake Moses had made, for up to that time the Israelites had been burning incense to it.” The Israelites took what God meant to serve a specific purpose, refused to discard it when it no longer served that purpose, carried it with them throughout their years in the wilderness and eventually began to worship it!

The giant statues we visit as tourist attractions are a fun diversion from the monotony of long distance driving. I’m not saying these statues are idols, but I think we can all examine our lives closely to determine exactly what has become an idol that eats up time that could be God’s. Is it the television, computer games, your job, your volunteer work, money, or your busy schedule? There may be other things that come to mind for you. Perhaps it’s time to “clean house” as Hezekiah did and break up the idols we’ve been dragging around with us for the past few years. What are some of the statues you've seen in your travels? What are some of the things in your life that have become idols? Click on "comments" below to share your thoughts.

Jonah Part 2 - A God of Second Chances

Welcome back to Jonah Part 2. Click here to continue with the devotion series on the Old Testament book of Jonah. Find out what we can learn through Jonah's experience of being swallowed by a whale - an experience the rest of us would definitely like to avoid!

Jonah - Rebel Running

Here we are two weeks into the New Year and I realize I've been very lax in my blog posting! I want to share some thoughts on the book of Jonah with you, so over the course of the next few weeks I'll be posting links to a series of video devotions - one on each chapter of Jonah. Click on Jonah - Rebel Running to hear encouragement from the first chapter of this short book in the Old Testament.