Do you have times in your life when you feel you’re wandering around in the dark looking for something but you’re not sure what that “something” is? How about the feeling that you’re supposed to be going somewhere but you’re not sure where? Maybe you feel as though each day comes and goes but you accomplish nothing that really matters at the end of the day. Is this the definition of being lost?
I ask these questions because this is how I’ve felt the last week or so. Everything in life is new – new town, new husband, new house, new instant teenagers, new church, new faces, new surroundings...and so it goes. Before I moved I knew who I was, I seemed to have purpose and activities and people to occupy my thoughts and time. Now I’m not sure how this new life fits together. I’m not sure who I am in this new role as wife and step-mother or how it all fits with whom I was before. Even my relationship with God seems to have changed, it’s become harder somehow to find Him. Everything is just a little out of balance. The days go by but suddenly I don’t seem to have purpose.
Just out of curiosity I looked up the definition of lost on www.dictionary.com and here’s a bit of what I found, “having gone astray or missed the way, bewildered as to place, direction, etc.; not used to good purpose, as opportunities, or labour; wasted; destroyed or ruined; distracted; distraught; desperate; hopeless...” Some of these definitions seem to fit. Perhaps I am lost. Others are downright frightening - desperate, hopeless, destroyed or ruined – no I don’t think so!
I think it’s more a temporary loss of focus and purpose that has me feeling disoriented and adrift in the sea of life. I know God has called me here for a reason and in time that reason will be revealed. It’s the waiting and lack of direction that leaves me struggling and wondering if I’m floating aimlessly through life. This lack of master plan and lack of direction is totally a foreign concept to me and I’m left with all these odd, and at the moment, unresolved questions. What does the future hold? Where will we find a church home? When will I be part of a ministry again? Where does God want me to serve? So many questions and so few answers.
What questions are you struggling with today? Does any of this sound familiar? Share your thoughts by clicking on “comments” below.