"Crucial Conversations" Book Recommendation

The last few weeks in Alberta have been lovely and hot.  I say that from the perspective of someone who is comfortable with +30 C weather and no air conditioning!  The only issue I have with the heat is running in it.  It's then my stamina gets up and goes home, where it waits patiently for my return.

I outsmart it by getting up early and running before it hits 20 degrees and by making sure I stay hydrated along the way.  This past Saturday held all the promise of a day when every sane person holes up in the air conditioned mall until the cool of evening descends.

To beat the heat I was up and running by 7:30 a.m.  At the moment I’m running an hour in 10 minute intervals; run 10, walk 1.  All was good. 

I was into my second run cycle when I felt something trickle down the back of one knee.  This was odd.  My brain launched into identification mode, “I wonder why the backs of my knees are sweating so much.”  

Another trickle, “They don’t generally sweat this much.  I’ve run in hotter weather than this.”  

A trickle down the back of my other knee was followed by an alarming longer stream that reached the top of my sock and ran down onto my foot.  “Am I peeing a little?!?” (I know all you women of a certain age have asked yourselves this question at one point or another…don’t deny it!)  Quick inventory of bladder.  “No, all systems holding steady there.”

Another long trickle into the sock.  “Maybe I’m bleeding.  Should I stop to check?  But my run’s going so well.  I don’t want to mess it up by stopping now.  There’s no pain.  If I was bleeding there would be pain.  I'll keep running.”

Finally the 10 minute run cycle ended and I had a minute to assess the situation.  No urine, no blood…good.  I pulled my water pouch out of its holster at my back and squeezed it for a drink.  Water jetted from a pin-sized hole in the seam at the bottom of the pouch.  Well, I found the source of the mysterious knee sweat.  Now I had to figure out how to get through the next 40 minutes of my run without my water draining away.

My minute was up so I got creative.  It can’t leak if no water gets to the hole.  I flipped the pouch upside down and crammed it down into the holster.  I was off and running…literally!  Problem solved.

Problems come our way all the time from places we don’t understand.  We can ignore them and hope they’ll go away, but that’s like FEELING the water leak out of the pouch and doing NOTHING about it.  Which I tried for a bit, but if I continued to ignore the problem I wouldn’t have had any hydration for the remainder of the run and my strength would have leaked away faster than the water in my pouch.

Occasionally problems are simply opportunities to make a situation better.  But sometimes they’re bigger and require more effort, more strength, and more time to solve.  Not only that, they’re quite often associated with lousy communication.

I know very few people who actually welcome the tough conversations it takes to resolve some of the BIG problems in life.  So I thought I’d share a book I read this spring that helps navigate those tough conversations.

The book is called “Crucial Conversations”.  You can find their website at vitalsmarts.com/crucialconversations . 

I’m one that runs from conflict faster than a turkey flees a Thanksgiving dinner table, but this book helped me identify how I respond in some of these situations and what I can do when I recognize these responses; then how to move forward and address the conversation head on.

There are a number of on-line tools for assessment and practice that can be used in a team setting or individually.  We can all get better at problem-solving through better communication. 

There are still a few weeks of summer left.  Why not add “Crucial Conversations” to your summer reading list.

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT:

What problem or conversation have you been avoiding that you need to address?

Share your thoughts by clicking on “comments” below.

 

 

Life Lessons From Running

Last weekend I accomplished my running goal for 2013. 

I ran a timed 10 km race.  I wasn’t first, but

I wasn’t last, and I passed a few people along the way, so all in all I was pleased with my accomplishment.
 

When I started running two years ago I couldn’t even run four minutes in a stretch. 

 

It’s been a lengthy training and strengthening process and I’ve learned a few useful tidbits on the journey. 

 

Here are some lessons gleaned from the last two years.

1.      Endurance is key, not speed - keep a slow steady pace

2.      When you think you can’t go any further…you can

3.      There are things to be thankful for even in the midst of pain

4.      To get your mind off your struggles, talk to God

5.      Set incremental goals

6.      Celebrate small achievements

7.      Psychological discouragement will come – plan in advance how to defeat it

8.      Positive thoughts energize, negative thoughts sap strength 

9.      Perseverance in the midst of trials will get you to the finish line

10.  Have a strategy for long term success – if you don’t have a plan you’ll never reach the goal

11.  Make time for what’s important.  Don’t compromise that time.

12.  Achieving a goal takes discipline.  Keep showing up, even when you don’t want to

13.  When you have a problem, don’t blame outside influences, do a self-assessment and see if the problem starts with you.

14.  Cheer people on, it keeps them going

15.  When you’re 3 km from home, in desperate need of a bathroom, and your muscles don’t want to work anymore, don’t quit.  The fastest way to the bathroom is to keeping running.

I’m not sure if that last one is particularly helpful, but it’s certainly true!

I’ve expanded on some of these lessons over the last two years in earlier posts.  You can find them under "Running" in the archive or by following these links:

 

http://carolhenders.blogspot.ca/2013/07/slow-down.html

http://carolhenders.blogspot.ca/2013/04/thirty-second-god-hits.html

http://carolhenders.blogspot.ca/2012/07/not-gold-medal-sprint.html

http://carolhenders.blogspot.ca/2012/05/philippians-313-14-perseverance.html

http://carolhenders.blogspot.ca/2011/07/life-one-sidewalk-block-at-time.html

 

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT:

Are there lessons on this list you can apply in your life?  Please share your thoughts by clicking on comments below.

Slow Down

Every now and then life smacks me with a dose of reality as a reminder to slow down.  Sometimes it’s an actual physical smack in the form of a cold or flu.  Other times it’s a metaphorical smack.  This week it was metaphorical.

As many of you know I set a couple of running goals this year.  The first was to run 5 km by the end of May…check, mission accomplished!  The second is to run 10 km by the end of the year.

I’m starting to feel the pressure of time constraints in meeting the second goal.  The end of the year in Stony Plain, Alberta, is cold, dark, and snowy.   Not exactly a climate conducive to running outside.  Determined to meet my goal, I’ve attempted to speed up my program so I can run 10 km by the end of October.

Since I hit 5 km I’ve struggled to increase my time.  In fact even running 30 minutes – a goal I achieved last year – challenges my endurance, making my year end goal seem like an unrealistic pipe dream.

Frustrated with the results I’m getting I looked for the cause of my apparent lack of endurance.  I started to blame outside influences.  You know the drill…

• the scented candles at work that make me cough, decreasing short term lung function,
• the new shoes that change the position of my feet and use different muscle groups,
• the chiropractic adjustment that changed my body’s alignment, making it more difficult to run.

Instead of examining the situation to figure out what’s really going on we make excuses by blaming outside influences.

 After a particularly frustrating 47 minute run this past weekend, I spent some time in introspection, mulling over the problem.

I have an app on my phone that monitors how far I run, how long I run, and how fast I run.  Reviewing the history stored in the app I realized I’ve been running too fast.

Can I get an app like that for my life?  When I’m cramming too much in a day it would vibrate and beep at me with the message, “Slow down you idiot”.  I don’t think Apple’s figured it out yet, but maybe one day!

I’ve blogged about running too fast before.  (See "Not The Gold Medal Sprint" and "Persistence - Perseverance - Endurance") I do recognize the problem and try to keep it in check, but subconsciously, in an effort to accomplish my goal sooner, I increase my speed at the same time I lengthen my time.

When I run too fast I push my body to its limits.  When I get to a hill there’s no reserve.  By the time I get to the top my legs are screaming in agony and I’m gasping for air.  It’s a little difficult to keep running for another 20 minutes in that condition!

How is that for a life metaphor?  Do you run too fast in your everyday life?  We push ourselves to our limits, trying to do more and more. 

We work nine or ten hour days, cook meals, take the kids to evening activities, try to squeeze out quality time with our spouse, do the laundry, clean the house, cut the grass, shovel the snow, see our friends, participate in community and church events, try to eke out a few minutes for prayer and bible study, exercise, eat right…and wonder why we’re exhausted at the end of each day.

The unfortunate thing is my alarm clock doesn’t discriminate.  It doesn’t care that I stayed up till midnight working on sales projections, writing a blog, or reading a book.  Regardless of when I called it a night the alarm still goes off at 5:40 a.m.!

When you constantly push yourself there’s no strength to draw from when you come to a hill (or a rough spot in life).

Endurance is key in running.  I’m not trying to break anyone’s speed record.  I just want to run 10 km.  In order to do that I need to slow down and build endurance to go the distance.

Endurance in life is key, too.  How do you build endurance?  Slow down the pace.  Give yourself a rest.  You’re not a super hero and you don’t have to act like one.  Cut yourself some slack.  Life’s a marathon, not a 100 metre dash! 

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT:

What do you find yourself rushing to do?  Do you need to slow down?  Share your thoughts by clicking on “comments” below. 

Thirty Second God Hits

Are you facing a stressful day?  We all have times when life is overwhelming and we don’t have the energy to make it through the day. 

Recently I injured my foot in a car accident when I tried to put the brake pedal through the floor boards in a futile attempt to avoid hitting a vehicle making a left hand turn in front of me.

My physiotherapist banned me from my running routine until my foot could heal.  After four weeks of inactivity I finally got the green light to start running again.

Following instructions to start off slowly I set the treadmill for 15 minutes.  It was great to be running!  I was excited.  I was energized.  I was pumped…for the first five minutes!

That’s when the lack of physical activity from the last four weeks kicked in.  I was gasping worse than an asthmatic in a forest fire!  There was no way I was going to make the fifteen minute mark!

The internal self-talk started.  Actually it was more of a “self-argument”.

“You can’t do it, there’s no way you’re going to make it.  There’s ten minutes left and you can’t breathe! 

“That’s ridiculous.  Of course I can make it.  I’ve done this before, heck I was running twice this distance before the accident.”

“Must slow down.  Not going to make it.”

“Have to make it.  I’ll never get back in shape if I don’t push myself.”

And then it happened.  The “Blog Thought”!  “If I can just make it to 15 minutes this would be a great example for a blog post.  If I don’t make it I’ve got nothing to write about.  (That’s right.  In the twisted minds of writers no life experience is exempt from becoming “blog fodder”.)

So I knew I had to continue, but how?  By breaking it down into minuscule goals. 

I couldn’t run for another ten minutes, but I could run for 30 seconds.  The timer ticked away…27, 28, 29, 30.  OK just run for another 30 seconds…29, 30…did it!  OK another 30!

Thirty seconds isn’t a lot but it was an achievable goal and I experienced baby step wins on the way to reaching my 15 minute goal.

Do you see the parallel between 30 second running goals and taking baby steps in the times when you can’t see what’s ahead in life? 

 

The times when you’re scared about the future

• When you face a broken marriage or the loss of a parent
• When you lose a job and don’t know how to start the hunt for a new one 
• When you’re so sick from the chemotherapy treatments you can’t raise your head off the pillow
• When you’re trying to help your child beat an addiction

Sometimes all you can do is cry out to God and ask for strength for the next 30 seconds, and the next, and the next.  God is faithful to give it to you.   

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.  Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”  Isaiah 41:10 (NLT)

I did run my fifteen minutes that day and you can conquer 30 second segments in your life, too.  Remember 30 seconds adds up to 24 hours, then 48, then 72, then a week, a month, and a year. 

With each 30 seconds God imparts a little more of His gifts of grace and love.

Do you need a 30 second fix from God right now?  Cry out to Him in prayer.  He’s there for you always and He’ll respond with His incredible power and grace.

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT…

What’s the greatest challenge you’re facing in your life right now?  Where can you use a 30 second gift from God?  Share your thoughts by clicking on “comments” below.

Not The Gold Medal Sprint!

I’ve commented on the similarities between running and doing life in a couple of archived posts.  (“Taking Life One Sidewalk Block At A Time” and “Philippians 3:13-14 – Perseverance – Persistence – Endurance”)  In “Philippians 3:13-14 – Perseverance – Persistence – Endurance”, I mentioned my personal goal to run 30 minutes continuously by the end of this summer.

I set the goal in May but reality found me struggling to maintain ten sets of a ratio that included running for two minutes, and walking for one minute.  If I was gasping like a diver with an empty air tank at this 20 minute ratio how would I ever get to 30 minutes of continuous running?

Deciding more research was required I started to read John Stanton’s book on running from the Running Room.  Here’s what I discovered...

Running requires you to pace yourself.  Stanton teaches you to run at a pace that allows you to talk comfortably.  TALK; heck I couldn’t even maintain basic priorities like breathing!

I discovered forcing yourself to slow down is quite challenging.  It takes practice and constant correction, but that’s exactly what you have to do if your goal is endurance.  In order to maintain a reasonable heart rate and add minutes to my running time each week I had to slow the pace. 

My mind and body tend to be at odds with this and generally have an ongoing argument sounding something like this...

MIND:   “Slow down, you’re going too fast.   You can’t maintain this pace.  We’re not setting any speed records.  The goal’s endurance and distance, not an Olympic gold sprinting medal.”

BODY:  “Must go faster, want to go faster, not going fast enough.  Somebody’s catching up and passing...must...go...FASTER!  Crap...can’t breathe!”

MIND:  “Told you so!”

I’ve finally settled down to a good pace, but periodically I still find my heart rate climbing out of the “talk comfortably” zone.  When this happened earlier in the week I found myself comparing this to periods of life when we’re waiting on God.

We think we know what needs to happen in our lives.  We rush forward and make our plans without consulting God.  Waiting on God can be as hard as trying to slow down the running pace.  It’s frustrating.  Our bodies twitch with an overwhelming desire to take action, but God asks us to wait for His direction and His timing.

Since I’ve slowed down I’m seeing weekly progression towards my goal.  I’m able to maintain four cycles of run eight minutes:walk one minute.  My running time within each cycle increases by one minute each week. 

Like the gradual running progression, we will only receive the very best God has in store for us when we slow down the pace and wait for His guidance and direction instead of pushing ahead on our schedule.

Think about it...you’re in this relationship with God for the long haul.  So slow down, wait, and listen for Him to speak to you.  Let Him steer you in the right direction at the right time, and the results will far exceed anything you could dream up for yourself. 

It may not happen overnight but if you pace yourself, and wait on God you’ll see this period of waiting in the rearview mirror and be able to appreciate the steps towards fulfilling His dreams for you.

Are you in a time of waiting?  Experiencing frustration?  Share your thoughts by clicking on “comments” below.

Philippians 3:13-14 - Perseverance - Persistence - Endurance

MEMORY VERSE:

“...But one thing I do:  forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.   Philippians 3:13-14 (ESV)

My heart seemed to beat as fast as cars on a freight train whiz past behind a crossing arm.  The back of my throat felt as dry as a crisp autumn leaf on the ground, severed from its life giving water supply.  I gasped, fighting to draw in enough air to expand my lungs and continued to put one foot in front of the other.  My ears, sensitive as a fruit bat’s, were on high alert, tuned to hear the beeping of my watch signaling my 30 second reprieve.

Do you run?  I started last summer, took a hiatus over the winter, and am back at it this spring.  I’m determined to get to the point where I can run continuously for 30 minutes.  Apparently it will be a while before I achieve my goal!

Some days are easier than others.  This particular day I was tired and fighting a throat infection, but determined to go for my run.  I was about two thirds finished, had a gaping hole in my energy bucket, and was fading fast when a bit of this scripture flashed through my mind.  “I press on toward the goal for the prize...”

Paul’s not talking about a literal foot race in his letter to the Philippians.  He’s talking about perseverance, persistence, and endurance.

Running takes physical endurance.  You start out slowly, running in small segments with short breaks in between, allowing your body, your heart, and your lungs to become conditioned.  As you build strength and endurance you’re able to run for longer periods of time.

Running takes mental persistence.  There are days when I don’t feel 100% but I still have to get my butt out the door and run.  I can’t wait around for the perfect temperature, the perfect time, the perfect body, the perfect shoes, the perfect outfit; the perfect...whatever.  And there are times when I’m convinced I can’t go any further but I still push myself until I reach the goal...the beeping of my watch telling me I get to walk for 30 seconds.

Paul equates our relationship with Jesus to running a race.  It’s our choice to follow Him.  Those who make the choice understand Jesus sacrificed Himself so we are forgiven of our sin and free to choose to follow Him.

When you’re running you can’t focus on the pain it took to get to the top of the hill.  You focus on the success – you made it to the top.  Paul says we can’t live in the past, “...forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead...”.   

Apply this in your life.  Don’t focus on your past – the pain of your guilt, your shame, your failures; anything that says you’re less of a person.  Focus on the future.  Focus on what lies ahead.  Focus on Jesus and the forgiveness He offers.

Running is about goal setting.  So is life with Jesus.  Our goal is to draw close to Jesus, to know Him, and to strive to become more like Him.  In the garden of Gethsemane, before going to His death, Jesus prayed to God, His Father, “...Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” (Luke 22:42)

As we draw close to Jesus this becomes our prayer, too.  The desires of our hearts align with the desires of God’s heart.  He works through us to make those desires reality in the world.  How amazing is that!?!  God redeems our past and uses us to make a difference in people’s lives!

Father I pray that You would help me to “press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus”.   Amen

“... But one thing I do:  forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.   Philippians 3:13-14 (ESV)

Taking Life One Sidewalk Block At A Time

Has your world ever come crashing down around you? Perhaps this is your situation right now. Are you just one more catastrophe away from your breaking point? Are you worried about your aging parents’ health,  your teenager who was caught shoplifting, your adult child with a drug addiction, your spouse who lost his job, your failing marriage or the call from the doctor saying you need more follow up tests with a specialist?

Maybe this doesn’t describe your life exactly, but I know everyone experiences seasons in their lives when nothing seems to go right and stress heaps up like an overflowing dirty laundry hamper. You feel like your life is a boat constantly being smashed on jagged rocks and you have no more energy to keep bailing out the water. Perhaps you even think allowing the boat (your life) to sink might bring sweet, welcome relief. When you try to talk to your friend she casually quotes scripture, trying to be comforting but you stand there feeling as though someone just slapped you across the face with a cold, dead fish while telling you, “Suck it up Buttercup, life’s just like that.”

We’ve all been told to take things “one day at a time”. Perhaps this saying came from Jesus’ teachings in the book of Matthew. In chapter 6 verses 25 to 34, He’s teaching about worry. He ends the teaching in verse 34 by saying, “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” Truer words were never spoken! Each day certainly brings us enough to worry about and sometimes even trying to take it day by day can be overwhelming.

I recently started to go for a run in the mornings. I decided rather than hurting myself I’d start out slowly, working my way up to extended periods of running. I time myself, running for four minutes then walking for three. I generally start out fairly strong and four minutes goes by quickly, but as I begin to tire, the three minutes seems to get shorter and the four minutes of running seems to drag on forever. I’ve discovered if I set small goals as I run it help me maintain my motivation. I’ll see a bend in the trail or a bench and decide I won’t check the clock until I reach that point. It’s like a bargain with my body to keep going in spite of being tired. As I near the end of my run I come off the trail and get back onto a sidewalk. It’s at this point – the last two segments of four minutes that I find my legs aching and my chest heaving. Even a small goal seems overwhelming. At that point the only way I can keep going for the four minutes is to tell myself to just run to the next sidewalk block, then the next, then the next and slowly I keep going, the time ticks by and my body becomes a little more conditioned every time I go out and accomplish those small goals – just one more sidewalk block.

There are times we need to take this approach in our lives. Sometimes the thought of getting through the day is simply too much to contemplate, sometimes even an hour seems overwhelming and it’s hard to find God and trust the Psalmist who says, “give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.” (Psalm 55:22) or Peter when he says, “Give all your worries and cares to God for He cares about you.” (1 Peter 5:7) These verses are both true and we do need to lean on God for strength in times of stress.  As you lean on God for strength, break down the situations and set small goals for yourself - just get through the next minute, then the next, then the next. Soon the minutes become hours, hours days and days weeks and with God you find the strength to move through your struggles one minute or hour or day at a time.

What are you struggling with today? What goals are you setting to help in your struggles? How is God strengthening you?