Proverbs 15:1 - Calm Response or Verbal Assault?

MEMORY VERSE:

“A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.” Proverbs 15:1

Consider this scenario...

You’ve picked up your four-year-old daughter from day care and you’re driving home.  Someone in a Ford F150 blows by you, cuts into the lane in front of you, and slams on the brakes.  You miss rear ending him by a hair’s breath.

Cursing, you swerve recklessly into the passing lane, hammer the accelerator, then slow down so you can drive alongside him, making rude hand gestures and yelling insults about his mother through the closed window.

He shakes his head and speeds away.  The last thing you see is the silhouette of his middle finger in the back windshield of his truck.

Remembering your four-year-old, you bite down hard on your flapping tongue, and arrive home; steam emanating from both ears.

The story continues...

Your four-year-old is playing in her room.  You’ve got supper in the oven, laundry in the washing machine, and you think you’ve got just enough time to vacuum the living room before you need to put the veggies on to boil.

Your husband comes home from his twelve hour work day.  He’s distracted and worried that he’s next on the chopping block for layoffs.  He changes into his yard clothes, planning to cut the grass, and hands you his work shirt to add to the washing machine. 

You look at him in disbelief and say in a snarky tone, “Go put it in yourself!”  He responds in an equivalent tone. 

The evening disintegrates into an ugly argument with your four-year-old crying in her room.

Does this sound like any of your evenings?

Our schedules are busier than ever...

When you’re already stressed it’s hard to be patient with people around you.  We’ve all got our personal schedules and plans.  When something interferes it’s hard not to lash out in frustration.

While King Solomon didn’t lead the perfect godly life (he had character flaws just like the rest of us) he certainly left us with some wise thoughts and advice in the book of proverbs.

Calm words rather than verbal assault...

Your first reaction in a frustrating situation is probably to launch a verbal assault, but the memory verse for this week reminds us of the importance of staying calm and rational in the face of stress.

Venting your anger only puts the other person on the defensive, evoking a return assault of equal or greater frustration.  But a calm response encourages rational discussion rather than an irrational argument.

Can you think of incidents in your life where a calm word could have averted a hostile confrontation?  Share your thoughts by clicking on “comments” below.

“A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.” Proverbs 15:1

Leader On The Edge

A few weeks ago in a post titled “No Microwave Leadership” I referenced Galatians 6:9 as the memory verse.  It says...

“So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good.  At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit.” (The Message) 

This verse is encouraging in many of life’s circumstances and can be applied if you’re feeling frustrated as a leader.

This week while reading through the book of Numbers, I came across a great example of a burnt out, frustrated leader.  Moses has a lot of great moments and we can learn so much by studying his leadership skills, but in this particular incident his performance wouldn’t win the gold medal if the Olympics had a leadership category.

Moses has lead the Israelites through the wilderness for two years.   During that time there are many occasions when the Israelites haven’t followed God’s instructions and Moses has had to intervene on their behalf.

The beginning of Numbers 11 reads like other passages throughout Exodus, Leviticus, and Numbers.  The Israelites are complaining about their nomadic way of life and whining about their food supplies.  Essentially they’re complaining about God’s provision.

If you’ve read any of the books of Exodus, Leviticus, or Numbers you’ll recognize the pattern.  The Israelites complain, God becomes angry, Moses intervenes on behalf of the Israelites, and God relents and forgives them.

Being familiar with this pattern I expected Moses to fall on his face before God and pray on behalf of the Israelites, but apparently our long suffering leader is fed up.  Instead of praying for mercy for the congregation Moses comes to God and vents his frustrations.

If I could put Moses’ conversation into my own words here’s how it would go...

“God, what did I ever do to you?  Why am I stuck with this bunch of whiners?!?  They’re not my problem.   I didn’t want to be their leader.  You know what...that’s it... I’m done!  Just kill me, right here, right now!”

The interesting part about this is God doesn’t get angry with Moses for his outburst.  Instead He offers a solution.  He tells Moses to select a group of men who have leadership abilities to share in the burden of leading the people of Israel.  God anoints these people with His spirit to assist Moses.

You’d think this would placate Moses, but he’s just getting warmed up.  His rant continues when God tells Moses He plans to provide quail for the whining Israelites.  Apparently Moses has the gift of sarcasm because his next conversation with God is swimming in it.

 “Meat!  MEAT!  Here in the middle of nowhere you’re going to give us meat!  Yeah right, take a look around God, where do you think it’s going to come from?”  (Read the chapter for yourself at http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=numbers%2011&version=MSG .

It seems Moses has forgotten to whom he’s speaking and God reminds Moses of his mighty power and provision.

Moses’ little melt down sounds to me like that of a burnt out, over-worked leader who’s tried to micro-manage by taking on all the responsibilities himself, instead of delegating tasks to his leadership team.

Here are a few leadership lessons we can learn from Numbers 11:

1.       It’s OK to vent our frustrations to God.  He’s got big shoulders and He’ll listen to your rant.

2.       If you’re in a leadership role you need to identify key people on your team who have leadership gifts.  Identify their strength zones and help them develop these skills.

3.       Let go of the need to control!  Don’t micro-manage!  When you have your team of key people, delegate tasks that allow people to use their unique skills.  (Don’t keep taking back the tasks once you’ve delegated them.)

4.       When you’re burnt out, fed up, and ready to quit, don’t lose sight of how powerful God is.  Ask for His help in your work and He’ll provide for you.

Have you experienced burn out as a leader?  Do you any leadership tips?  Share your thoughts by clicking on “comments” below.

Not The Gold Medal Sprint!

I’ve commented on the similarities between running and doing life in a couple of archived posts.  (“Taking Life One Sidewalk Block At A Time” and “Philippians 3:13-14 – Perseverance – Persistence – Endurance”)  In “Philippians 3:13-14 – Perseverance – Persistence – Endurance”, I mentioned my personal goal to run 30 minutes continuously by the end of this summer.

I set the goal in May but reality found me struggling to maintain ten sets of a ratio that included running for two minutes, and walking for one minute.  If I was gasping like a diver with an empty air tank at this 20 minute ratio how would I ever get to 30 minutes of continuous running?

Deciding more research was required I started to read John Stanton’s book on running from the Running Room.  Here’s what I discovered...

Running requires you to pace yourself.  Stanton teaches you to run at a pace that allows you to talk comfortably.  TALK; heck I couldn’t even maintain basic priorities like breathing!

I discovered forcing yourself to slow down is quite challenging.  It takes practice and constant correction, but that’s exactly what you have to do if your goal is endurance.  In order to maintain a reasonable heart rate and add minutes to my running time each week I had to slow the pace. 

My mind and body tend to be at odds with this and generally have an ongoing argument sounding something like this...

MIND:   “Slow down, you’re going too fast.   You can’t maintain this pace.  We’re not setting any speed records.  The goal’s endurance and distance, not an Olympic gold sprinting medal.”

BODY:  “Must go faster, want to go faster, not going fast enough.  Somebody’s catching up and passing...must...go...FASTER!  Crap...can’t breathe!”

MIND:  “Told you so!”

I’ve finally settled down to a good pace, but periodically I still find my heart rate climbing out of the “talk comfortably” zone.  When this happened earlier in the week I found myself comparing this to periods of life when we’re waiting on God.

We think we know what needs to happen in our lives.  We rush forward and make our plans without consulting God.  Waiting on God can be as hard as trying to slow down the running pace.  It’s frustrating.  Our bodies twitch with an overwhelming desire to take action, but God asks us to wait for His direction and His timing.

Since I’ve slowed down I’m seeing weekly progression towards my goal.  I’m able to maintain four cycles of run eight minutes:walk one minute.  My running time within each cycle increases by one minute each week. 

Like the gradual running progression, we will only receive the very best God has in store for us when we slow down the pace and wait for His guidance and direction instead of pushing ahead on our schedule.

Think about it...you’re in this relationship with God for the long haul.  So slow down, wait, and listen for Him to speak to you.  Let Him steer you in the right direction at the right time, and the results will far exceed anything you could dream up for yourself. 

It may not happen overnight but if you pace yourself, and wait on God you’ll see this period of waiting in the rearview mirror and be able to appreciate the steps towards fulfilling His dreams for you.

Are you in a time of waiting?  Experiencing frustration?  Share your thoughts by clicking on “comments” below.

Billboards From God

Have you ever asked God for guidance in helping you make an important decision? You bring the dilemma to Him seeking a solution but instead of a definitive answer you feel like you’re twiddling the tuning button on the radio resulting in static and dead air.

Many times in my life I’ve brought important decisions to God in prayer.  I take a few minutes in the morning to say something like this,

“OK God, here’s my dilemma.  I really need to make a decision about this and it’s going to affect the next few years of my life.  I really want to do your will and make the right choice so can you tell me what you want me to do and what the right choice is?  Thank You for hearing my prayer Heavenly Father and thank You for answering it.  I know you will.  In Jesus name I pray, Amen.”  Then I rush out the door to get on with my busy life.

Isn’t that admirable?  I’m bringing my decision to God. I’m telling Him I want to choose wisely and do His will. So why don’t I get an answer. Why isn’t there a big billboard on the side of the highway that reads,

“Dear Carol…thanks for your prayer this morning. I’m really glad you took six seconds out of your busy schedule to share that with me.  Here’s a numbered, step by step list of what you should do to make that decision. And oh, by the way, here’s a link to a YouTube video of how your life will turn out if you follow my list of instructions.  Have a nice day! God"

If I saw that I’d pull over, take a picture and download it to my computer.  I’d make sure I followed it step by step so I didn’t mess up!

You know I’m being facetious.  My point is we all rush to God when we have problems or important decisions to make.  We expect a response NOW!  Then we get frustrated and disillusioned when we don’t seem to get an answer.  We think we can call on God like a Google search.  Cast up a prayer, get 10,000 hits back in the matter of a millisecond, and pick the one we like. 

God doesn’t work that way.  Max Lucado in his book, “Out Live Your Life”, says, “God has posted traffic signs everywhere we look.  In the universe, in scripture, even within our own hearts...”  Much to my chagrin Max wasn’t referring to advertising spots on billboards. 

In most cases God does answer our petitions for guidance but we’re too busy to get it.  In some cases we ignore the message because it doesn’t come like a lightning bolt out of the blue or a smack upside the head with a two by four.

Maybe God answered you through a gentle conversation with a friend or neighbor.

Maybe God’s answer is found in the persistent nudging of your conscience.

Maybe God answers in the beauty of a sunset, the majesty of a mountain top, or the gentle breeze on your face.

Maybe God answers in a quiet moment of inspiration that comes to you when you turn off the Iphone, the TV and the computer.

We tend to have a one-sided relationship with God.  How many friendships or marriages have you seen where one person does all the talking while the other person just sits and listens?  How successful are those relationships?  They’re not exactly what I’d call healthy.

Frequently we fail to be in healthy relationship with God.  We don’t read scripture every day or spend time listening.  We don’t give God a chance to speak.   We don’t hear the answer because we’re too busy doing the talking!

I still dream of my billboard by the side of the road but I know it’s not a reality.  The only way I’m going to hear God speak is by spending time with Him.  When I ask Him to tune all my senses to be ready to hear the message He has for me and when I go into the day watching for ways He might speak to me, I’ll begin to hear His answers.

How does God speak to you?  Post your thoughts by clicking on “comments” below.

Finding God In The Closet Organizer

I feel as though I’ve been moving FOREVER! You see at the end of January everything I owned went into storage and I moved into my new husband’s apartment. We took possession of a house at the end of February and the real fun began!  To say the house needed “a little” work is like saying Canadian winters are “a little” cool! Every spare, waking moment of the first two weeks was spent repairing damaged dry wall, hanging new dry wall, mudding and sanding. But finally the dust settled – literally – (we’re still finding dry wall dust EVERYWHERE) and on March 18 moving day arrived.  Now we faced the challenge of combining two households into one. We have two of everything – microwaves, bar-b-q’s, kitchen tables, desks – can you say “garage sale”! It’s now April 10 and we both feel like we’ve been slaves for the last two months! My husband’s going to college during the day, I’m working a full time job and in the evening we both come home and make feeble attempts to unpack, sort, organize and generally wage war on the chaos that has become our domestic life! We’re finally making progress – last night we took back the territory called the hallway and can now walk down it without tripping through the obstacle course!

Of course in the midst of this I’m still trying to stay in close relationship with God.  If you’ve ever dealt with a crazy, chaotic time in your life, and let’s face it...who hasn’t, you’ll appreciate just how difficult this can be. I make my tea, settle into a the lovely sunny corner in the living room with my Bible, spend half an hour reading, close the Book and realize I haven’t got a clue what I just read! I try to pray and spend quiet time in God’s presence...I stop talking, close my eyes, breathe deeply, relax, focus on hearing God’s voice, and what springs to mind? The closet organizer – how practical is the closet organizer?!? Sure it looks like a good idea, but the top shelves are too high to reach and there’s not enough space in between the lower shelves to hang pants and skirts!  Crap, focus...want to spend time in God’s presence...OK, relax.  Wait the shower rod...I need to hang the curved shower rod, but the expandable ones don’t hang right and the other one costs $70.00...OK back to prayer time.  God, I really need your help here, my brain is all over the place!  Help me focus on spending time in your presence. Wait, the back gate – the latch needs to be replaced – have to remember to put that on the list...

Do you find yourself having prayer time that sounds similar to this? That’s just a quick running sampling of a two to three minute session of me trying to clear my mind and focus my thoughts on God. It continues but I won’t force you to spend more time in my mind than strictly necessary! Finally I give up and in desperation cry out to God telling Him how badly I need His help in this. I long to be in His presence but my brain just doesn’t want to shut out the realities of life! I guess I need to keep trying but perhaps taking some “time outs” along the way to do something other than work and organize the house might help, too.  Maybe a nice relaxing bath, losing myself in a good book, or spending time knitting or baking will go a long way in helping me settle down and focus again. In the mean time I write this posting in hopes of alleviating some of my current frustrations by sharing them with you.

Please share some of your thoughts on what distracts you in prayer time by clicking on “comments” below.